I've noticed that sometimes this will happen: After a cut has healed, if wearing something tight on-top of that scar, a inner bleeding can happen. At least that's what I think is happening. When I look at that one particular scar, it itches, and then I notice redness, or more often red dots under the skin of the scar. Is it a small inner bleeding or is it just something else? I don't know. I might never know, but it's kind of freaky. I don't know where I'm going with this. I can't sleep, but I am extremly tired. I feel sick. I want to vomit, but the thought of walking to the bathroom is tiring. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I want to sleep. Rest. Get some energy. I want to go for a run. I want to put on make-up. I want to try to look good. But my body is acting up, and I can't stand it.
And... Oh yeah. What is His problem? We talked fine this weekend, but it is like out of the blue: BAM! We just don't talk that much. The only thing we've really talked/said to each other was either Hi/Hey(what ever) or we were in a small argument. Fuck Him. I'm not worth spending His valuable time on. I know that. I've always known that, but I keep wishing for Him to like me, and for Him to be a friend I can count on, and not just one that keeps walking away.
I feel like the reason He is walking away from me, is because of all my problems. He took one look at my new cuts. Didn't say anything, just left me. Nearly every time I say something, he talks back or mock me for the things I say and do. Call's me a slut/whore/slutmachine and other annoying things, that just makes me feel more worthless than I already do. Even though I know He's joking, a voice inside me keeps telling me he is not. I can't deal with that right now. If He doesn't want anything to do with me, that's His problem... I'll try to live with it.
-As it is right now... I don't feel like waking up in the morning. I can't stand this anymore. I just want to be normal. I want to fit in. I want to be skinny. I want to like myself. I just want and want too many things I know I'll never be able to get.
-I feel like puking.
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